ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
