I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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