Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
