A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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