I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
