So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
