I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
