I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
