I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize