she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
