The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet he comes in French.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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