Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
