my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
