He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
