She's JV to your varsity
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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