I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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