Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
