so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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