Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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