No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
