So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
