we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
