it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
