direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
