Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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