I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
