need another drink. this is the easiest way
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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