So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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