I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
