Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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