6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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