I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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