i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
