I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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