I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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