He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
