Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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