DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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