Its about making memories worth repressing
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
