Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
