kristin has been a bad kristin
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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