I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
