Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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