I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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