So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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