Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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