it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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