I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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