I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize