Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
