I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
