is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
