I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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