i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
