You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
