If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
