Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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