How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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