If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she smelled like a LAN party
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
