I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
