Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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