I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
