yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
