Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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