What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize