he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
